Happy new year!!!
It has been a long time… The time for me to be distracted and to forget what really matters.
So what happened after December 4th?
First, I was sick. No good for staying focused. Then, I was tired. However, it was not the worse. The worse was that we were in December. December is the month of… my birthday, of family reunion and of course of melancholy. All the ingredients I needed to stop fixing my eyes on Jesus (Hebrews 12:2)
I was missing my siblings who live very far from me; I was missing my parents who are not near. Moreover, the situation at work became complicated and stressful.
All I need to stop being surrendered.
I didn’t know I was not surrender. I have difficulties to pray, but I was sick and tired so… I spent a lot of time with God, taking a week-end away with Jesus as a lover. I read a lot of spiritual books, wrote letters to God, shared my thoughts and emotions with Him, but there was something missing. I needed so many things: a new job, a new house, my family, a boyfriend, an American Visa… God was not longer enough.
I began 2012 with new resolutions and a really desire to love God. I made plans, but there was something missing. Then, I read Job.
I learned a lot about God in that wonderful book, but there was more… There was this woman: Job’s wife. I know she was married. She was married, but she was not surrendered. She was married, but God was not enough for her. She said to Job: “Are you still maintaining your integrity? Curse God and die!” Job 2: 9. She was basically telling her husband: “you will be better without God”.
How many times in December have I thought that without God my life would be easier, happier? Sure I would be married. I was telling myself: “curse God, forget Jesus, you will surely go to hell, but you will be so happy on earth.”
I had and still have to make a choice. I needed to decide that God was and is enough. I needed to want Him to remember my name more than I wanted to be happy. And I decided. I don’t want to be a woman without name. This woman who could have been worthy to be among the heroes of Hebrews 11 if only she had thought that God was enough. I want God to be enough. I want to trust that He will always do what is right. I don’t want to think like a foolish woman. I want to accept good and trouble from God (Job 2: 10).
Fortunately, God always gives us time to repent. In Job 42:14, we learn that Job had others children. Probably, she changed her mind and God gave her another chance. I hope it was the case.
But whatever her end was, I know for sure that I want my name to be in the next book of Job.