Today I am tired and I am not sure I want to write. I am not sure I want to write but there are thoughts I desire to share.
I planned to write about the Israelites wailing in the desert because they didn’t have meat to eat and wishing to be in Egypt. However, this morning a sister in Christ asked me why she is still single. My answer was something like “because God gives us what we need and if we don’t need it He won’t meet it.”
Then, I got an email from a friend of mine. She was sharing about her sentimental life. She wrote about the “why” of her singleness. So I thought of of the “why” of my singleness. God may have others reasons… but for me I am still single because I don’t want to let it go.
I am afraid. I am afraid of being taken advantage of, afraid of not being loved unconditionally, afraid of… so many things. I am not surrendered. I don’t trust God to care enough to protect me, to guide me. I am the one in charge. Yet, My favourite love story in the Bible is the story of Isaac and Rebekah.
The Bible stated: ” Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he married Rebekah. So she became his wife, and he loved her.” Genesis 24 : 67
God chose her. God decided and Isaac loved her. Their marriage was not perfect but it was not that bad.
I dream of God choosing for me. I dream of loving His choice. However I am afraid and I am not letting go. I don’t give God a chance. I don’t give brothers a chance. I want Batman but with Superman’s qualities and the faith of Paul. Of course, he must be a perfect stranger. I love them far and unapproachable.
So now I need to learn to be surrendered in this area. It won’t be easy but “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13