Last Sunday, I wasn’t faithful. I didn’t write. I was tired physically and emotionally. I let my emotions take control of my life.
This week was worse. I was down, emotionally. I cried a lot, complained a lot. It was so difficult to pray. My faith was buried under my emotions and my tears. I needed God.
First, I thought I needed His blessings. I thought that I needed Him to meet my needs; and He did. He offered me things I have never prayed for because I could not think of Him giving me them. As I was praising and crying (praying was too simple), He heard me. I didn’t realize that He was listening. He seemed so far. He seemed deaf and blind.
However He answered. He blessed me with things that I really needed. I am still mesmerized! When He says that He “is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within usi“, Ephesians 3:20 He is not joking. He is able and He is willing to do what it takes to meet our needs.
So my needs (at least a part of them because they are countless) were met. I should have been happy, dancing in the rain. I wasn’t. I needed more. Then I understood. He used His power to work within me. He softly spoke to me. He told me I was unhappy because I was far from Him.
He wasn’t the first anymore. I was. People were. There were a lot of barriers between Him and me : my fears, my lack of trust, my desire to be loved and approved by others and so on. He told me I needed Him. He told me that I needed to be entirely His. I needed to have an undivided devotion to Him. I needed to be able to say with Paul : “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” Philippians 1:21
Christ is my life and when I don’t live for Him, I am dying away. He is my first need and my ultimate blessing.