So often when we read the Bible, we read our own words instead of reading what God is saying. And we wonder why our faith is not increasing, why we are not changing, why we have no power. We begin to doubt God and His power. We doubt His willingness to help us, to transform us. It seems like we fight with all our strength and nothing happens.
I have been there so many times, crying and wondering where God is. Sometimes it feels like God does not see me. Should I wave my hands, jump, yell to be noticed by the one whose “eyes run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to give strong support to those whose heart is blameless toward Him.” (2 Chronicles 16:9)? I tried so many times so many things to capture God’s attention. And He kept telling me: “Without faith it is impossible to please me” (Hebrews 11:6) and “Faith comes from hearing my Word” (Romans 10:17).
So when God says in Ephesians 1:4 that He chose me before the foundation of the world to be holy and blameless before Him, I used to hear: “Anne, I need you to be holy, but I will not lift the little finger to help you unless you give me a good reason to do so.”
So I spent time trying to convince God to transform me into Christ’s likeness, to use me for His glory, to accept me and not to reject me. Of course, when Jesus says He will never reject whoever comes to Him (John 6:37), I always read, “except you, Anne.”
So when He said to Jairus: “Do not fear; only believe, and she will be well”, I read that we should worry, panic and doubt to expect to be well. Then I did not understand why I was not well.
It makes all the difference to hear Christ’s words. To hear and believe that His goal is to make us holy and blameless, that He prepared good works for us to do beforehand (Ephesians 2:10), that He wanted us so much in His family that He willingly adopted us (Ephesians 1:5). To hear Christ gives peace and freedom and our soul can finally enjoy the rest He promised (Matthew 11:29).
The King of kings, the sovereign LORD loves me. He died for me when I was the most “unlovable” possible and therefore He will not stop loving me, never. When I hear this truth instead of “ I will not love you until you become a better person, until you are holier”, I feel safe and quiet (Romans 5:6-11). Then I can be still and know that He is God (Psalm 46:10).