6 OPTIONS FOR GODLY SINGLE WOMEN WANTING TO MARRY

“Daughters . . . Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” –Song of Songs 2:7 (NIV)

This is a post from Mark Driscoll. I have made some changes to shorten it. Enjoy.

These are tough times for godly single women who want to marry.There are some single women who remain single for no good reason. Those who are over thirty are sometimes beginning to wonder if their hopes to marry and become a mother will be fulfilled. For some, this leads to near panic. For others, a constant despair with seasons of dark depression lingers like a chronic ache. Whatever the situation there are six options.

  • SIN

You can decide that God has not come through for you, so you take matters into your own hands and do things that will really hurt the one relationship you have with a great man: Jesus Christ. If you take this path, you will eventually come to feel horrible for what you have done and miserable in the world you live.

  • SURRENDER

You can give up on ever meeting someone worth marrying. You can just stop taking any risks, meeting any people, or trying in any way. But when you shut down your heart to life in general, you are not just foregoing marriage but also hope and joy.

  •  SETTLE

You can lower your standards to the point that nearly any guy can meet them. It is possible to keep editing your list to the point where “godly man” eventually becomes “believes in a higher power of some sort,” and “I respect him” becomes “I think I can put up with him.” This may get you a man, but not a long-term, joy-filled, God-honoring marriage.

  •  SUFFER

You can allow your singleness to become the devastating, discouraging, and defining aspect of your life. You can let it make you feel unwanted, unloved, and unworthy. You can allow it to haunt you, pushing you into shame, isolation, and despair. You can let your singleness be a club for Satan to beat you with over, and over, and over, and over . . .

  •  STRIVE

You can start to obsess over doing literally everything you can to land a husband. You never leave the house without looking like you are ready for a pageant. You count every calorie and spend more time at the gym than the treadmill does. You start an account for every Christian dating site that exists. You attend every church with a decent number of single men, and never miss a singles ministry event at any megachurch within a two-hour drive of your home. The center of your life is no longer Jesus, but some guy you are determined to attract to fill his place.

  • SOLACE

You can take comfort in God’s love for you and that Jesus is the Man in your life who sympathizes with your singleness. You can allow your singleness to explain you but not identify you. You can allow your singleness to be an aspect of your life but not the essence of your life. You can remind yourself that the early church was nearly the polar opposite of today’s: singleness was considered a virtuous, preferable life by many in service to God. You can live your life without waiting for someone else to show up and make it worthwhile. You can retain your desire for marriage without drifting into desperation. You can be open to a relationship without putting your entire life on hold until one occurs. You can pour your desires for a family into your extended family and/or church family.

The truth is that it is harder to be a single woman than a single man as a Christian. Polls say that single women are generally more mature and responsible than single men. Men are waiting until around 30 years old to marry for the first time, if they ever do. And, they are going for younger women, according to the statistics. Across Christianity, there are far more single women than single men, which means that the odds are not in the favor of godly single women. In addition, for theological reasons, many Christian women do not want to be the dating initiator, asking guys out and taking the lead in the relationship.

All of this together means that godly single women live in a complex world that is increasingly more difficult for those who want to marry and have children with a godly man. Love, prayer, friendship, support, counsel, and community are needed more than ever. Being single is not easy. But neither is being married. They are just difficult in different ways as God uses everything in our life to make us more like Jesus, who happened to live a perfect life while single.

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When carrying too heavy a load

“I will make with them an everlasting covenant, that I will not turn away from doing well to them. And I will put the fear of me in their hearts, that they may not turn from me. I will rejoice in doing them good, and I will plant them in this land in faithfulness, with all my heart and all my soul.” (Jeremiah 32:40–41)

Life can be burdensome, especially when you are single. You have to carry your load alone. Of course there are friends and brothers and sisters in Christ who help, encourage and advise you, but it is not the same. There is that feeling of loneliness, that desire for a partner, that longing for someone to carry life burdens with us.

However there is a good news. We are not alone. There is someone who not only understands, support, encourages and helps us, but he also carries our load. He frees us from the burden of bearing your own load. He does the work.

Read attentively these verses.

From of old no one has heard or perceived by the ear, no eye has seen a God besides you, who acts for those who wait for him. (Isaiah 64:4)

No eye has seen a God besides you, who works for those who wait for him.

(Isaiah 64:4)

The eyes of the LORD run through the earth, to show himself strong for those who trust him. (2 Chronicles. 16:9).

If I were hungry, I wouldn’t tell you. Call on me, I will deliver you. You will glorify me. (Psalm 50:15).

To old age I will carry you. I have made, and I will bear; I will carry and will save. (Isaiah 46:4).

I worked harder than any, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me. (1 Corinthians. 15:10).

Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. (Psalm 127:1).

Whoever serves, let him serve by the strength God supplies, so that in everything God may be glorified. (1 Peter 4:11).

Work out your own salvation, for it is God who works in you, to will and to work”. (Philippians 2:12–13).

I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. (1 Corinthians 3:6–7).

 

Our God is the one who does the work. So in the midst of our pains, difficulties and anxieties, let’s wait for the one who promised to do us good.

You are loved

Today is the perfect day to come back. It is the day of love. There are hearts and chocolate everywhere.

Some are happy to be loved, others are sad to be alone.

However, when you are the daughter of God, you are never alone. You are always special, every day, even today.

Your Lord and God delights in you, today and forever as He has done in the past.

The prophet proclaims: “The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty One who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love; He will exult over you with loud singing.” (Zephaniah 3:17).

He is the God who fight for us and pursue us (Hosea 2:13-14). He stoops down out of His love for us (Hosea 11:4).

Open your heart and you will hear Him whisper to you:

” Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
 I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in your stead.

Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you,
I will give nations in exchange for you, and peoples in exchange for your life.
Do not be afraid, for I am with you…

Single and desperate

Have you ever felt hopeless? Have you ever felt that you have to find a solution right now? Have you ever thought that if you don’t do something, if you don’t take a step, your life will be over ? Lot’s daughters did. They were desperate. They wanted to preserve their family line and there was no man around to lie with them. They needed to act, to find a solution. They decided to sleep with their father. He was the only man around. They acted and they got the children they wanted. Genesis 19: 30-38
Why were they so desperate? Why am I sometimes so desperate? Is it  really because there is no solution to my problem? Or is it because I want my solution, a solution I find normal?  Lot’s daughter wanted so much to be like everyone else that they didn’t look far. Genesis 19: 31 They could have asked their father to find partners for them. Abraham family wasn’t too far away. Only, they didn’t. What if he had said no? What if the men from Abraham’s family didn’t want to be with them? What if…? They took no chances.  They so wanted to be normal. They were willing to pay the price to get it their way.
I feel desperate when I want my life to be “ as is the custom all over the earth.” I want to have a normal life: a husband, children, the job…. the right one. I spent my week envying one of my co-worker. She has everything I wish I had: the career I thought I should have, children, husband, shape, blue eyes, fair-hair…
I was looking for solutions to be more like her. However, the more I was looking the more things were getting complicated. I was confused and desperate until God told me gently : ” A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.Proverbs 14:30
He explained me that my peace was gone because I stopped looking at the Prince of peace. My problem was not my issues, though they are real. My problem was that I wanted peace “as the world gives.John 14:27  I wanted my life to be ” as is the custom all over the earth.” I blamed my godly choices. I thought I became christian too young. Fortunately, God reminded me that His way is always the best. So even if my life looks strange, even if I am different, may His will be done. Always.

A single with a mission

Today let’s talk about heroes. My favourite is Batman. Why him? Why not Superman, Spiderman  and all the others who send their time saving the world? Because he is normal, simply human. A human with a mission but still a human. No super power, no supernatural protection. He is human. I fell in love with him years ago. I was a teenager. Since then, I have been in love. And it feels like i will never stop loving him. Why? Because his mission never changes. After years, he still wants to protect and save his fellow-citizens. I love Batman. In the same way, I love Anna. She is my heroine.
Why? she was a blessed single. A single with a mission.
Luke 2: 36-38 says she was very old. She was eighty-four. I can’t even imagine being that old. She was old and she had been single for most of her life. She had lived with her husband seven years after her marriage.  As in those days, women used to get married young, let’s say she got married at sixteen. So she was a widow at twenty-three. I can imagine her loneliness, her despair. It seems that she didn’t have children. At least, I choose to believe that she had no children. She could have been bitter, sad and depressed. She could have cursed the Lord. She could have done a lot things. But she chose to serve the Lord. In her despair, she chose the best. She was not a great leader, running everywhere and showing people how important and busy she was. She was a servant. She served her God and his people by praying and fasting. She was a single and she decided to use her time praying and fasting. She worshipped night and day.
My question to you, my question to me is: what are we doing with our time? What are we doing with our nights and your days? Are we using our skills to serve the Lord? Are we using our gifts to worship Him? If you don’t know what to do, pray… and fast. Pray for the Church, pray for other single women. Pray for your neighbours, pray for all those who don’t know God. Pray and fast. Pray for yourself. Pray to be content and grateful. Pray to serve Him who made you. Pray to find  a husband. And above all, pray to be a single after his own heart. Just pray and worship Him.
Prayers change hearts. Prayers change history. Prayers draw us close to God. Prayers make us know God and His ways. Anna knew. She knew what all the leaders of her time didn’t notice. She knew. She knew Jesus was the Messiah.  She knew He came to redeem his people. How did she know? She never gave up. She has a mission: being close to her Maker, worshipping Him.
She was a single with a mission. She is my heroine for ” She never left the temple but worshipped night and day, fasting and praying.
May the Lord fill your heart with prayers this week.