6 OPTIONS FOR GODLY SINGLE WOMEN WANTING TO MARRY

“Daughters . . . Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” –Song of Songs 2:7 (NIV)

This is a post from Mark Driscoll. I have made some changes to shorten it. Enjoy.

These are tough times for godly single women who want to marry.There are some single women who remain single for no good reason. Those who are over thirty are sometimes beginning to wonder if their hopes to marry and become a mother will be fulfilled. For some, this leads to near panic. For others, a constant despair with seasons of dark depression lingers like a chronic ache. Whatever the situation there are six options.

  • SIN

You can decide that God has not come through for you, so you take matters into your own hands and do things that will really hurt the one relationship you have with a great man: Jesus Christ. If you take this path, you will eventually come to feel horrible for what you have done and miserable in the world you live.

  • SURRENDER

You can give up on ever meeting someone worth marrying. You can just stop taking any risks, meeting any people, or trying in any way. But when you shut down your heart to life in general, you are not just foregoing marriage but also hope and joy.

  •  SETTLE

You can lower your standards to the point that nearly any guy can meet them. It is possible to keep editing your list to the point where “godly man” eventually becomes “believes in a higher power of some sort,” and “I respect him” becomes “I think I can put up with him.” This may get you a man, but not a long-term, joy-filled, God-honoring marriage.

  •  SUFFER

You can allow your singleness to become the devastating, discouraging, and defining aspect of your life. You can let it make you feel unwanted, unloved, and unworthy. You can allow it to haunt you, pushing you into shame, isolation, and despair. You can let your singleness be a club for Satan to beat you with over, and over, and over, and over . . .

  •  STRIVE

You can start to obsess over doing literally everything you can to land a husband. You never leave the house without looking like you are ready for a pageant. You count every calorie and spend more time at the gym than the treadmill does. You start an account for every Christian dating site that exists. You attend every church with a decent number of single men, and never miss a singles ministry event at any megachurch within a two-hour drive of your home. The center of your life is no longer Jesus, but some guy you are determined to attract to fill his place.

  • SOLACE

You can take comfort in God’s love for you and that Jesus is the Man in your life who sympathizes with your singleness. You can allow your singleness to explain you but not identify you. You can allow your singleness to be an aspect of your life but not the essence of your life. You can remind yourself that the early church was nearly the polar opposite of today’s: singleness was considered a virtuous, preferable life by many in service to God. You can live your life without waiting for someone else to show up and make it worthwhile. You can retain your desire for marriage without drifting into desperation. You can be open to a relationship without putting your entire life on hold until one occurs. You can pour your desires for a family into your extended family and/or church family.

The truth is that it is harder to be a single woman than a single man as a Christian. Polls say that single women are generally more mature and responsible than single men. Men are waiting until around 30 years old to marry for the first time, if they ever do. And, they are going for younger women, according to the statistics. Across Christianity, there are far more single women than single men, which means that the odds are not in the favor of godly single women. In addition, for theological reasons, many Christian women do not want to be the dating initiator, asking guys out and taking the lead in the relationship.

All of this together means that godly single women live in a complex world that is increasingly more difficult for those who want to marry and have children with a godly man. Love, prayer, friendship, support, counsel, and community are needed more than ever. Being single is not easy. But neither is being married. They are just difficult in different ways as God uses everything in our life to make us more like Jesus, who happened to live a perfect life while single.

When carrying too heavy a load

“I will make with them an everlasting covenant, that I will not turn away from doing well to them. And I will put the fear of me in their hearts, that they may not turn from me. I will rejoice in doing them good, and I will plant them in this land in faithfulness, with all my heart and all my soul.” (Jeremiah 32:40–41)

Life can be burdensome, especially when you are single. You have to carry your load alone. Of course there are friends and brothers and sisters in Christ who help, encourage and advise you, but it is not the same. There is that feeling of loneliness, that desire for a partner, that longing for someone to carry life burdens with us.

However there is a good news. We are not alone. There is someone who not only understands, support, encourages and helps us, but he also carries our load. He frees us from the burden of bearing your own load. He does the work.

Read attentively these verses.

From of old no one has heard or perceived by the ear, no eye has seen a God besides you, who acts for those who wait for him. (Isaiah 64:4)

No eye has seen a God besides you, who works for those who wait for him.

(Isaiah 64:4)

The eyes of the LORD run through the earth, to show himself strong for those who trust him. (2 Chronicles. 16:9).

If I were hungry, I wouldn’t tell you. Call on me, I will deliver you. You will glorify me. (Psalm 50:15).

To old age I will carry you. I have made, and I will bear; I will carry and will save. (Isaiah 46:4).

I worked harder than any, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me. (1 Corinthians. 15:10).

Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. (Psalm 127:1).

Whoever serves, let him serve by the strength God supplies, so that in everything God may be glorified. (1 Peter 4:11).

Work out your own salvation, for it is God who works in you, to will and to work”. (Philippians 2:12–13).

I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. (1 Corinthians 3:6–7).

 

Our God is the one who does the work. So in the midst of our pains, difficulties and anxieties, let’s wait for the one who promised to do us good.

Singleness!

 Then shall the young women rejoice in the dance, and the young men and the old shall be merry.
I will turn their mourning into joy; I will comfort them, and give them gladness for sorrow.
I will feast the soul of the priests with abundance, and my people shall be satisfied with my goodness, declares the LORD.” Jeremiah 31:13-14

My new favorite scripture! The LORD promises to comfort us and to satisfy us with His goodness. And as we know, He never lies. So just to read this promise is comforting. Because there are times (so much) when we need to be comforted, especially as singles. Being single is not always easy. I am far from being miserable, but I need comfort in those moments when it is difficult to be alone, when I feel the need to have someone special in my life.

When I find it hard to share my faith, when I feel the urge to go and knock at my neighbors’ doors, I desperately need a partner.

When I make a discovery about Jesus at 3 a.m. , I want to share it with someone right away, someone special.

When I feel that my world is falling apart, I need someone to take me into his hands.

And believe it or not, I want someone to cook for, to clean for, to be submissive to.

When I need to take a big decision, I really need a husband.

I long to share the difficult moments and my joyful noises with that special someone and to hear about His craziness.

When I grocery shop and cannot carry all, I can really use some help.

Every Friday night, I need a husband, just to waste time with him.

Yes, I need a gospel partner who will also be a life partner.

And when everyone I meet seems to be married, have a baby or be pregnant, I resent being single.

In all those moments as always,  I need God to be my God and to comfort me. I need to hear His voice whispering: “I am sovereign and good and I love you with an everlasting love” (Jeremiah 31:3).

When I cried because I don’t understand, He is the same, the God of all comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3). And His goodness is enough, even when my heart says the opposite.

 “And I will be to her a wall of fire all around, declares the LORD, and I will be the glory in her midst.” Zechariah 2:5

 

Never alone

“If you love me, you will keep my commandments. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth…”  John 14:15-17
Let’s be honest being single is not always easy. I don’t know for you but there are days when being  alone seems a curse. When  my friends and siblings get married and have babies I feel abandoned by the Lord. When it is dark and cold outside  I dream of someone to wander with me on the city streets. When it is difficult to pray or to evangelize I wish I had that partner with me. Sometimes I just want to share a joke, a line from a movie, a good news or a meal with that special someone. Sometimes I want to be the helper I think God created me to be.
Being single is difficult. You want and need someone to help you carry the grocery bags. You need help to put together that bed you just bought. You need someone to tell you that you are beautiful when you feel ugly. You need someone with whom to share that scripture, that revelation you just have about Jesus at 2 a.m. I can go on and on.
But just when you wonder how you will keep going alone, the king steps in. He makes your life looks like a movie and saves you at the last moment. He defeats the devil, wiping out all your doubts and pouring all His love on you.
He is never far. He always with you (Matthew 28:20), ready to come to your rescue even when you don’t ask for help. You are not an orphan ( John 14:18). You are never left alone “for your Maker is your husband.” (Isaiah 54:4-8)
You have a Helper, an Advocate, a Counselor who fights for you, guides you, helps you, giving you what you need emotional, physically, materially and spiritually.
How He does it is not important. He is doing it every day  of your life if you keep Jesus’ commands.
Does that truth changes my reality? Not really. But I am comforted. I know I am loved. I know that I am not alone. When it is hard, I  have someone to turn to. I will always be helped because my God is faithful. No, ” God is not man, that He should lie, or a son of man, that He should change His mind.” (Number 23:19)

You are loved

Today is the perfect day to come back. It is the day of love. There are hearts and chocolate everywhere.

Some are happy to be loved, others are sad to be alone.

However, when you are the daughter of God, you are never alone. You are always special, every day, even today.

Your Lord and God delights in you, today and forever as He has done in the past.

The prophet proclaims: “The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty One who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love; He will exult over you with loud singing.” (Zephaniah 3:17).

He is the God who fight for us and pursue us (Hosea 2:13-14). He stoops down out of His love for us (Hosea 11:4).

Open your heart and you will hear Him whisper to you:

” Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
 I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in your stead.

Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you,
I will give nations in exchange for you, and peoples in exchange for your life.
Do not be afraid, for I am with you…